anurim

IMPORTANT NOTICE/ANUNT IMPORTANT

2007-12-12T20:38:00.000+01:00

Toti cei care isi doresc sa citeasca in continuare acest blog sunt rugati sa intre pe www.anurim.com.

This blog and all of its content has been moved to www.anurim.com. Go there if you want to keep on reading me.

Cette page et tout son contenu a ete transposee sur www.anurim.com.

reclama

2007-12-11T14:33:00.000+01:00

Iaca reclama. Sa ma enervez? Sa rad?
Via Iatzi via Sport.ro.

www.anurim.com

2007-12-10T21:41:00.000+01:00

Dragi oameni care intrati pe acest blog, vreau sa fac un anunt important pentru mine: de azi am propriul meu domeniu!!! Sunt megasupercalifragilistic de incantata si abia astept sa transfer tot continutul acestui blog pe noua adresa:). Evident ca prietenii mei Victor (merci de gazduire) si Costin vor innebuni din cauza mea si a sutelor de mii de intrebari gen "auzi, da aici cum fac? dau continue?", asta in conditiile in care la munca lucrurile o cam iau razna si proiectele rasar ca ciupercutzele (:P) dupa ploaie. But o sa ma descurc eu cumva eventually si atunci sa te tii:)).

Pana una alta, am gasit alta dandana si nush ce sa fac, sa rad, sa plang: cei care au cautat "anurim" pe google au gasit prima data Anurim SRL, o firma care face ..... hartie igienica! Abia al doilea rezultat este blogul meu! Bine ca hartia igienica facuta de astia nu se numeste "anurim" ca nush ce faceam:)).

In the end, iaca o melodie care-mi place zilele astea (imi placea si in varianta Sam Cooke).

La Boquita Maldita feat. Miruna & Zoso

2007-12-08T16:12:00.000+01:00

Dupa cum am promis acum niste zile (cam multe, dar e numai vina lui ecostin), iaca video despre cum m-am facut de ras dar si cu o sticla de Bailey's pe care eu si Boquita o s-o bem de revelion (caci acum sta cuminte la 'mneaei in biblioteca, dupa cum singura a spus). Toate video, mai putin ultimul, via eCostin, evident.

First, ladies and gentlemen, La Boquita Maldita & Miruna!

Apoi, ca sa nu ne plictisim, am cantat si singure ca doar na, deja ne facusem incalzirea. Miruna....

La Boquita aka Daniela

Eu si Zoso [eu zic ca peste asta se poate sari ca suntem total afoni]

Sau daca doriti un alt unghi de abordare pentru lalaiala de mai sus, voila

Pana la urma tot in cuplu e mai bine, asa ca eu si Daniela o sa dam lovitura probabil la un alt karaoke, deja a inceput sa ne placa:). Plus ca am gasit si melodia perfecta pentru noi.

Ah, era sa uit: merci mai eCostin:). Pentru filmare si postare.

weekend

2007-12-08T11:44:00.001+01:00

OMG, cat de bine e in weekend! Inca nu-mi revin de bucurie ca am dormit suficient, ca am avut timp sa-mi beau cafeaua cu lapte si sa-i si simt gustul, ca am putut sa ma intind de o mie de ori inainte sa ma dau jos din pat...
Mama mea a decis ca un aparat foto ar fi cadoul perfect de ziua mea, numai ca trebuie sa ii spun eu exact ce vreau, ca ea oricum nu se pricepe:). Si ma gandesc ca e o idee foarte buna, chiar mi-as dori unul! Evident ca nu vreau cine stie ce minune de DSLR, ca nu am innebunit la cap si nici nu-s asa de smechera ca unii, vreau o "sapuniera" care sa scoata niste poze misto si care totusi sa aiba niste optiuni, ca nu-s batuta-n cap:P. So, daca aveti careva vreo recomandare, lista de comentarii arata 0 so far, feel free to fill in:).
Cand mi-am exprimat dorinta asta la munca, za robi a inceput sa faca misto de mine: "maaama, sa vezi acu' ce flashuri peste tot p-aci... O sa-si faca poze ea cu blogu, ea cu premiile, ea cu biroul":)))). Za robi, promit sa nu aduc foarte des aparatul la munca.
Ah, ma duc sa mai lenevesc putin:).

Miruna, cardul si Hi5

2007-12-06T22:04:00.000+01:00

Uitasem sa povestesc ce-am patit azi. De fapt totul a inceput saptamana trecuta cand mi-am dat seama ca nu mai am cardul. Adica acel card, cu toti banii pe el. Ma duc la banca si spun ca am nevoie de unul nou ca asta si asa expira curand.

Azi de dimineata ma gandesc ca ar fi bine sa ma duc sa-l iau, ca ramasesem leftera. Dar imi dau seama ca nu mai am buletinul! Eram blocata. Nu tu bani, nu tu buletin, nimic! Iau pasaportul si ma duc totusi, poate am noroc. Imi gasisera cardul intr-un ATM (damn BCR ATM, prima data dau banii, si dupa niste vreme cardul, d-aia il uit mereu, ca nu e prima data) si am putut sa-l iau cu pasaportul. Buletinul meu nu era la ei ca am intrebat. Ajung la munca. Printre hartiile de pe birou vad factura de la cadoul pentru Miri de saptamana trecuta. Si-mi pica fisa: buletinul meu e la prietenii de la digital camera! Sun la ei si le spun problema. Baiatul de acolo zice: aaaaa, da, e la noi buletinul dvs., cand am vazut ca e aici v-am cautat pe net, dar nu am gasit un numar de telefon asa ca v-am lasat un mesaj pe Hi5! :))))))). And they really did! Uite cum suna mesajul: "Nu am gasit alta modalitate de a va anunta, dar cartea d-voastra de identitate se afla la sediul firmei noastre. Va rugam sa ne contactati la unul din numerele de tlf..."

That made my day! Dar ma mir ca nu mi-au lasat totusi un comment pe blog, ca pe asta sigur l-au gasit mai repede pe google. Dar apreciez extrem inventivitatea:)), pe bune. S-a gandit omul ala ca poate poate exist pe Hi5 si iata ca n-a gresit:). Uite d-aia am eu conturi pe toate porcariile astea de social networks! Nu intru niciodata pe ele, dar nu se stie ce mai uit si pe unde si asa ma gaseste lumea:)).

Cel mai tare a fost C., mi-a zis: auzi, dar de ras nu e ca aia ti-au lasat mesaj pe Hi5, ci ca tu ai cont pe Hi5:))! La ce naiba-ti trebuie??

E, si cu ocazia asta am intrat si eu pe Hi5 sa vad care mai e treaba. Am o gramada de oameni care asteapta sa-i trec in lista de prieteni (!!!) si niste comentarii de moderat de prin august de la niste pustani care imi spun cat de rau sucks Bucurestiul. Oh, well... Hi5...

rain

2007-12-06T12:51:00.001+01:00

Ploua. Zici ca e 8 seara si ar trebui sa plec acasa.. Vremea asta asa ma moleseste ca abia pot sa ma concentrez la miile de chestii pe care trebuie sa le fac.
Si, colac peste pupaza (rusine, rusine!), ma trezesc ca la calculatorul de aici de la munca noul meu header nu se vede cum trebuie! In IE6 (cum cica folosesc majoritatea utilizatorilor, desi eu prefer Mozilla Firefox) patesc asta.. Sunt foarte suparata.

in the mood for love

2007-12-04T22:45:00.000+01:00

Pentru ne-cunoscatori: nu va bateti capul, poate ca e cam subtil. Si e si in franceza:)). Maine o sa scriu ceva mai interesant.

Le Petit Prince et Le Renard
- Qu’est-ce que signifie “apprivoiser”?

- C’est une chose trop oubliée, dit le renard. Ça signifie “créer des liens…”

- Créer des liens ?

- Bien sûr, dit le renard. Tu n’es encore pour moi qu’un petit garçon tout semblable à cent mille petits garçons. Et je n’ai pas besoin de toi. Et tu n’as pas besoin de moi non plus. Je ne suis pour toi qu’un renard semblable à cent mille renards. Mais, si tu m’apprivoises, nous aurons besoin l’un de l’autre. Tu seras pour moi unique au monde. Je serai pour toi unique au monde.. (…) Ma vie est monotone. Je chasse les poules, les hommes me chassent. Toutes les poules se ressemblent, et tous les hommes se ressemblent. Je m’ennuie donc un peu. Mais, si tu m’apprivoises, ma vie sera comme ensoleillée. Je connaîtrai un bruit de pas qui sera différent de tous les autres. Les autres pas me font rentrer sous terre. Le tien m’appellera hors du terrier, comme une musique. Et puis regarde ! Tu vois, là-bas, les champs de blé ? Je ne mange pas de pain. Le blé pour moi est inutile. Les champs de blé ne me rappellent rien. Et ça, c’est triste ! Mais tu as des cheveux couleur d’or. Alors ce sera merveilleux quand tu m’auras apprivoisé ! Le blé, qui est doré, me fera souvenir de toi. Et j’aimerai le bruit du vent dans le blé…
(...)
- Adieu, dit le renard. Voici mon secret. Il est très simple: on ne voit bien qu’avec le cœur. L’essentiel est invisible pour les yeux.

- L’essentiel est invisible pour les yeux, répéta le petit prince, afin de se souvenir.

- C’est le temps que tu as perdu pour ta rose qui fait ta rose si importante.

- C’est le temps que j’ai perdu pour ma rose… fit le petit prince, afin de se souvenir.

- Les hommes ont oublié cette vérité, dit le renard. Mais tu ne dois pas l’oublier. Tu deviens responsable pour toujours de ce que tu as apprivoisé. Tu es responsable de ta rose…

- Je suis responsable de ma rose… répéta le petit prince, afin de se souvenir.

I will survive

2007-12-03T20:13:00.000+01:00

This is the name of the song that made me and La Boquita Maldita the proud winners of a prize at the bloggers karaoke contest last night. You can see some pictures here. I hope I'll have some videos soon, as I said, cameras are around me almost every day. I also made a fool of myself singing alone, and then with Zoso, and then with a guy from work :), but it was fun.
Others have written more about this (only in Romanian), that's why I think I'll rest my case and go to sleep. I had quite a weekend:). A prize-full weekend.

PS - photos and videos in some other post.

My ally--mcbeal skirt

2007-12-02T16:30:00.000+01:00

I bet you've all heard the expression "an ally-mcbeal moment". I bet you all know or suppose what it means, especially if you know the character. Now Ally McBeal used to wear at some point very short skirts and as a lawyer she would have problems in court on this subject. I for one, although resembled in many occasions with this character (by guys who would generally want sexual intercourse with me, of course), resent wearing skirts, and short skirts are most of the time out of the question. But yesterday I decided I needed a change. And since I have in my closet a very short skirt, bought in a moment of lunacy I guess, I felt like wearing it.
Now, I am either very ugly in jeans, or everybody was shocked by me wearing a skirt. Either way, it was fun. Somebody told me I look like a girl from Manga cartoons:)).

Anyway, girls, it is true. Guys, no matter how intelligent they might be, fall for a pair of legs and a short skirt.

Karaoke night!

2007-11-29T22:21:00.000+01:00

I am having a very busy week. But once the month of December starts, it's party time for me! And I start with the 1st of December, this Saturday, huge party:). Then, on Sunday, the bloggers from Bucharest organize a karaoke night out! And ya people all must know that my hidden fantasy is to sing at karaoke. This is why I even put my name on the list, downloaded the list of songs.. stuff like that. I'm taking it all very seriously, it's my one-time chance to sing in front of a bunch of drunk people, me being quite dizzy as well:). I guess I'll have some proof for that, I have people with cameras around me every day:).
After that it's Joe's birthday! After that, it's my birthday that I'll be celebrating twice this year: with friends and in Barcelona:). So... my wonderful December is about to start and I can't wait for it to begin.

P.S. - My brother's wedding will be on the 29th of June 2008. Can't believe he's getting married. (that is... my YOUNGER brother)

Warsaw .... and my turtles

2007-11-25T21:50:00.000+01:00

I must start with the thing that makes me sad: I'm a bad mother, I gave my turtles away!! I donated them to a guy who can't walk, he stays in bed all day long, his sister came and took them away yesterday. I came to think that these turtles were with me during the most troubled period of my life and if they could talk (and have a memory of their own), perhaps they'd have plenty to say (mostly bad things about me being a bad mother, I'm sure). I really hope, in fact, that someone would pay much more attention to them than I did lately. And that they'd be OK.

Warsaw was... strange. Perhaps because the only time I got to visit a part of the old town was by night. It was very cold and foggy, seemed like Twilight Zone a bit. But I looooved the food (if you ever go there, have lunch or dinner at Kompania Piwna!) and the fact that a "large beer" is large indeed, that is 1 L. Of course, Joe and I (Joe is a girl from my office I traveled with) were both very much attracted to the H&M shop in the local mall. Oh, and I almost forgot the Hard Rock Cafe, first time I've ever been into one of those, quite nice, very good food, I even got to see the beginning of a concert of Afromental (these are some Polish guys singing something between reggae, rock and hip-hop as I understood from a cute waiter... Polish MTV as he said).

This weekend I was @work, just as my messenger status announced everybody in my list. I guess everything compensates in this world, hmmm?

A.G. Weinberger, Aura and Warsaw

2007-11-18T23:43:00.000+01:00

I'm leaving for Warsaw tomorrow. I've never been there before and, although I'm attending a conference, I hope I'll have some time to take a tour. And, of course, I might be coming back with lots of good ideas for work.
Tonight I've been to a blues&jazz concert. A.G. Weinberger and Miss Aura were great, although the show began a bit awkward, with some aerobic guys doing stuff on stage. A.G was great and Aura has a great voice:). Here's a sample below (it's not from the concert, unfortunately, but I hope I'll find some examples when I get back). And I'm going to sleep, it's quite late and tomorrow there'll be a pretty difficult day.

I found it!

2007-11-13T14:25:00.000+01:00

Remember I said I would take care of the forgotten "M needs a home" campaign? Well, I did. And guess what I found last week on one of those real-estate websites:

LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOl. That was a good laugh first time I saw these pictures. U wanna know how much was this dump? 70 000 euro for 29 sq meters. It is in the center of Bucharest, indeed, but anyway....

love story

2007-11-11T23:03:00.000+01:00

I admit I am sometimes a sucker for good romance movies. I don't say it very often, maybe because I really don't wanna sound too girlish or anything. But there are nights, like this one, when I come out and say it. Or maybe it's just my constant need for affection that allows me to be impressed by a good love story. Hate it when it's sad though. But they say the sad ones are better.
I must have inherited this taste for good love stories from my grandma. You might not believe me, but she was the only 70 years old woman from that village with a subscription to the local library. And constantly asking the librarian for love novels. She would devour book after book especially during winter nights. And she had a special concern on my emotional future. Coz we were born under the same sign, therefore she feared we might have the same destiny. Although it might not look like that, there are some weird similarities in our taste for men. I guess the "bad boy" cliche fits, or maybe the "hard-to-get" type.
Oh well, I blame it on the sleeping satellite.. Night night!

manu chao - Me llaman calle

2007-11-09T14:00:00.000+01:00

This is a song from the latest Manu Chao album. I love it. Maybe because Manu Chao is intrinsecally connected to the best years of my past. Manu Chao works like the Proust's madeleine for me.

my lows

2007-11-08T21:25:00.000+01:00

Quite a crappy day today. I was incapable of thinking clear, of doing things, I felt like tied up. I would just stand in front of the computer trying to become coherent and categoric and decisive just as everyone around me expected me to be. Just that I wasn't. I couldn't. Then I got angry on my boss for not understanding this delicate situation. But he was right. I was @work. I was supposed to work at least in the low parameters.
But I kept thinking that this week I left the office at 10 almost every night. I generally do more than I am asked to do because this is how I feel like. I got involved. Can't I be excused and understood for one miserable fucking day? Can't he protect me? Is it so impossible for people around me to just understand that sometimes I CAN BE LOW?! But maybe this is the image I created for myself. I always take care of everybody. I never forget tasks. I am always responsible. Even annoying if you ask some of the guys. So when I am down, they cannot cope with it. They don't understand. They just expect me to be as I usually am. So I guess I should just relax, take it easy, put a little distance between me and work.

@work

2007-11-07T20:24:00.000+01:00

If you guys were wondering what am I doing @work, well here it is. Sometimes, in the evening, when fewer people remain, we fool around in the office with paper bags on our heads. Beneath the bags it's me and Daniela, around us is Alin.

Perhaps it may sound weird, but I love it when spontaneous childish things like that happen. It makes us think we are not quite at work :). Of course, Robi the boss wasn't there to see us.

Why I love chocolate

2007-11-04T11:22:00.000+01:00

Nice November Sunday. I feel a little bit naughty (yes, I know it's weird to say that about me, but this is how I feel). I rarely ever listen to some of my favorite tunes. Some of them are very nicely put in various commercials.
The one you're about to see is one of my favorites. I also just happen to LOOOOVE chocolate. Now you're gonna see why.

dazed and confused.... more confused:)

2007-10-30T22:30:00.000+01:00

I decided to go to Barcelona on my birthday. Cristina and me. Just us girls. I just hope she won't find a guy until then and leave me alone:). But hey, this might be quite an experience, right?

Well, we tried to find tickets tonight and guess what? They are kind of expensive for low cost companies (we found tickets around 490 Euros for 2 persons, I mean, c'mmmmoooon). Searching for other ways to get there, she thought of asking at the railway station if there are some ways to go to Barca by train. Well, no trains go directly from Bucharest to Barcelona or anywhere, except for Venice, Italy (of course, we Romanians are kinda romantic people) and the ticket would cost like 170 euros one way for one person!!! That was very funny, she didn't have the nerve to ask how long this journey would last, this high price was too much for her.

In the end we decided to ask some advice from our boss, the Robi, he's the smart guy around there. And only after that (please notice the respect:P) buy the tickets.
My mother was a bit speechless hearing my latest wish, maybe because she thought she won't have me here for Christmas. I, for one, decided to be selfish this year and think about MY BIRTHDAY. To me it's not a waste of time. Not yet. I like my birthday. It makes me feel special and unique (as if I wasn't already!:))). The age might get me depressed, yes, but hey, who's thinking about that in Barcelona?

I'm going to sleep now, it's late. But I can't leave without the song that inspired the title of this post, no connection (apparently only) with anything I was mumbling here these past few minutes. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Led Zeppelin!

Pink Martini and a very busy weekend

2007-10-28T18:55:00.000+01:00

It all started on Friday evening. I went out with a colleague for tea. I ended up in a bar, then in a club where I had the "misfortune" of having two shots of tequila. Home around 4. Next morning I was woken up by the phone, I was supposed to go to Sinaia for the wedding and I was kinda late, my friend Oana called to say she was waiting for me. I arrived at the station quite on time. Of course, I was on the train more time than I was in Sinaia, but I was there:) (pictures in a later post). Then, the Concert. I rarely had the occasion to see something so beautiful as the Pink Martini concert I was at. I mean... these guys are great! And I don't know why, but in the end I felt like I went through my whole life with their songs. I remembered my trip to Italy (Una notte a Napoli), everything from my relationship with C (Sympathique, Brasil, Donde estas Yolanda...), he is after all the one to "blame" for my musical taste; and last, but not least, the present (Hang on Little Tomato). And for the first time in my life I regretted my Dad didn't have the patience to properly teach me how to play the violin.
After PM, I went to a bar then to the same club as the other night.
Today I celebrated my brother's birthday:). And his girlfriend's too.
I can't complain, I had quite a weekend which left me voiceless and a bit tired, but somehow ok with myself.

ooops

2007-10-25T22:24:00.000+02:00

I did it! I broke my washing machine. Don't ask me how. I know how but I guess I am too lazy to say it in English. It works, lucky me, but that compartment where I put the detergent is not right in it's place. I took it out to wash it, and I couldn't put it back.
Now, this bothered me so much that I even set my messenger status with this issue, and, of course, sooner or later my friends/colleagues started asking how did I do it, what happened, etc.
C suggested I should write a post on this matter, maybe I'll get some online help, which he also exemplified by quoting some blog of a guy switching 2 washing machines, coz one is always broken or about to be fixed. Ok... so I did it and now I expect you guys to teach me how to fix it. Coz I ain't calling nobody to fix it, it's too much trouble, really.
Tomorrow is Friday. yes, I know you know this, but I just wanted to get into the weekend mood. Now, me sleepy, it's late, night night!

this, that (no other)

2007-10-24T21:29:00.000+02:00

My mother says that the next will be great for me. She read this in a dime-a-dozen horoscope for 2008, knowing my hidden passion for this kind of things. Thing is everything referred to work, carrier, money. How about me? How about other things in my life? Hmmm, I guess it's getting worse, right?
But I am quite looking forward for this weekend. Saturday is a busy day. I have to travel to Sinaia for Heta's wedding. Then I come back in the evening for the Pink Martini concert. Then I believe I'm going out, that is in a club. Now that's a good day.
I believe I wouldn't have any reason to get bored. I have a pile of books on my desk, waiting for me to read them, I decided it's about time to learn how to swim and, of course, besides looking for a house (which I only say I do, but I never actually do anything about it, it's only an obsession), I might try taking up driving lessons again. This became a delicate subject in my mind, since I consider it a failure. My personal failure. And I am not at all used to failures.
So you see, I am a busy girl:). At least for a while.

...

2007-10-23T21:48:00.000+02:00

Kinda of weird days, these days. I suddenly feel like I am broken inside and need time to regroup. I need time to find that inner balance that would bring me back on track. The problem is I don't really know what track is that. I guess this might be interesting, like a surprise in a box of chocolates, but still I am not anymore at the age of looking boldly at the future and see it bright. I learned deception, delusion (much of my own cause, I agree) and I guess being cautious is only the result.
They call me "granny" at the office. Sometimes I understand why. I don't look like one, but I surely act like one from time to time. And this only because my life at the office so much conquered my inner, personal life, that I find it hard not to involve emotionally. My balance, my outer life is almost gone now. And this is why I sometimes (like these days) feel I don't worth much, that I lack that spark that used to made me different (in my own subtle way, of course), I am not interesting, nor witty, nor smart or anything. I just am. I walk, I talk, I do things from the impulse of my conscience. But there is no.... enthusiasm maybe. I can't put my finger on it, but I feel something is missing, that fresh approach that makes me see things clearly and be sure of my decisions.
I never expected this to happen. I never thought that this age will bring me so many confusing days.
My computer is almost broken. I would like a laptop. I've dreamed of one for 6 years now. I have the money to buy one, but I am thinking it over and over: maybe I need the money for the house. Maybe I would go to Barcelona for my birthday. Maybe... it's the weather. I'm waiting for sunnier days. Or maybe for someone to make them sunny.

nothing...

2007-10-11T20:34:00.000+02:00

I had some busy days.. I always do when my boss is missing. I have to sort of take care everything is under control.
But today was special because I went to this event about newspapers and media and I really think that after my head will stop spinning, I might have some clear ideas for work:).
Socially I am zero. Really. I never go out. I plan on not staying home this weekend, since I am also free. Maybe take a tour to Ikea:). Or start once again the "M needs a home" campaign. I might be in luck these days.
This is how the conference started. Pretty significant, isn't it?

yeah, right, October again

2007-10-07T21:49:00.000+02:00

I guess I must find somewhere people I can hang out with every day. Because autumn makes me feel helpless and lonely, and I really hate going home after a long day of work. Now it's a time to drink tea, talk to friends, in warm comfy places, away from the cold rain outside.
Anyway, October looks like a busy month. Not only that I celebrate my brother on this month (oh, yes, an his girlfriend), but my girl Heta is getting married and there is this Pink Martini concert I look forward to.
Yesterday we had Muse here. I didn't go, everyone was saying that they are great, I was feeling weird I never listened to them before, but I decided not to go. I am not a hypocrite, I cannot go to a concert not knowing what it's all about.
Now Chemical Brothers is somethin' else. I'm going! On the 20th this month.
Gosh.... it would have been so great to have these guys here some years ago!

my own personal saga

2007-10-06T11:08:00.000+02:00

I've been meaning to write about this for some time now, I just didn't have the time, nor the mood. I'm at work now, it's Saturday, it's cloudy, the office is warm like a home now to me and I can't stop thinking that my story here, my life as I have it now, started 10 years ago on the 6th of October. It was the first day of school. I was alone in a huge town (coz it seemed huge at that time). My heart was still at home: my boyfriend was there, my parents, my friends, my pink bedroom. Here I had a cold big house, a tiny room in the attic, a sick aunt, an egoist uncle, a shallow cousin....nobody. I remember I was even crying when I was alone.
Still, I believe my beginning here was fortunate. My luck was meeting people I could rely on, people who helped me tremendously and to whom I am grateful to this day. I learned to love this controversed, sometimes dirty, sometimes glamorous city and I am not sorry I made this choice.

something, nothing, anything

2007-09-29T10:03:00.000+02:00

Crazy week. Very passionate for those who love animals:). Quite tormented for our IT specialists, poor guys... quite a tormented week for myself as well. This week our website celebrated its 1st year anniversary. I was in the news again:))), much better this time, I seemed more relaxed. Then, in the evening, we all went out to celebrate and after 2 beers I was already drunk and fell asleep (my colleagues have pictures to prove this but I don't think I wanna publish them). Dizzy as I was, I left home since the next morning I had to attend a communication summit. Interesting sayings, but... there was one guy who needed technical support at every slide of his pps coz he, the communication specialist, wasn't able to be technically coherent! I mean, c'moooon, Charlie, how stupid of you was that???
Well, but more about this event you'll find here (in Romanian) and here.
I promised I'll return with some other pictures from my beautiful voyage to the wild wild west and here they are:). These ones are wedding-related.

Luxembourg-Paris-Prague

2007-09-23T16:19:00.000+02:00

I had an unforgettable week. Not only that I had like 4 flights in one week, which is a lot since I never took the plane before, but I got to visit 3 European capital cities, I ate things I never tried before (like lobster or moules) and finally came back with a good French accent I lost these past years and maybe with a better understanding of my work. These pictures are from Luxembourg, Paris and Prague (the second). I think I'll always remember this crazy, busy, wonderfully tormenting week. And I realized that going away relaxed me more than seaside or anything else here. It seemed I was gone forever when I came back.
Some other pictures.. on a later post. Now I have to get into Bucharest mode. Processing.... Operation failed. Try again.

experience

2007-09-10T18:29:00.000+02:00

What you are about to experience is an exclusive www.protv.ro material:). For Romanian speakers, enjoy its fine irony!

back to English

2007-09-09T17:08:00.000+02:00

Quite busy days, these days. After a sales event that ended up in a pub and gave me a full headache the next day, I spent my Saturday looking for clothes. Yes, you heard me, I went to the mall and researched every damn fashion store there, looking for the perfect outfit to honor my friend's wedding next week. I'll be cute:). Hope I won't be freezing though. So next Friday I'll be on my way to this great city I once visited for 3 hours or so. That remembered me I haven't been out of the country for a long long time (I take the trip to Bulgaria out of the question), that I never took the plane to anywhere in this world (yes, it will be my first time in a plane, I know it's 2007...) and, especially, how much I missed traveling. There was a time when going abroad was something natural and understood.
So you'll understand me if the next post won't be very clear (packing and organizing everything might take all of my attention) or if it will be ... next month maybe:)).
But I'll be back, don't worry!

in Romanian today

2007-09-05T21:07:00.001+02:00

Incerc sa scriu in romana la cererea publicului. Da, mai, am si eu asa ceva si nu mai radeti acolo ca va aud! Boooon, hai ca prima fraza mi-a iesit:). Sa vedem restul... Scriu in engleza pentru ca atunci cand mi-am facut eu blog, voiam sa ma citeasca TOATA lumea, nu doar putinii bloggeri de Romania. Intre timp, situatia s-a cam schimbat si acum vorbim de roblogosfera, de bloggerii romani, adunati si tunati, care dezbat probleme mai mult sau mai putin importante ale vietii si omenirii si asa mai departe, de genul "ce e viata? ce e omul? si noi ce bem azi?". Plus ca am observat, de cand cu colegu' Costin, ca oamenii astia parca sunt intr-un sat: "Ai vazut ce-a scris ala? Moaaaaama, da ai vazut commentu' meu? Si ce s-a mai ofticat si mi-a dat ban pe blogul lui? Si dup'aia ce-am scris eu la faza asta? Si cum m-a citat X si Y?". Ete, cam asa decurge treaba:). Evident, exagerez nitel. Sunt si bloggeri misto, oameni seriosi, o placere sa-i citesti.
La o intalnire de bloggeri, maestrul de ceremonii declara blogurile "parte a media". Ok... unele pot fi. Unele sunt deja. Dar majoritatea, nicidecum. Faptul ca bloggerii scriu despre o barfa, publica informatii mai mult sau mai putin adevarate, ca reactioneaza la diverse meschinarii nu-i face "surse" demne de luat in seama. Sau nu inca. Nu la noi. Doar ca incercam sa ne inscriem si noi in curentul asta in care pur si simplu parerea oamenilor, exprimata, articulata in blog, poate fi mai puternica decat un articol dintr-un ziar sau decat un reportaj tv. In lumea de azi, da, e posibil. Si la noi sunt tentative, insa nu au ajuns inca atat de puternice.
Pana una-alta, eu prefer sa scriu in engleza. Chiar ziceam azi: cum sa scriu, frate, in romana? Taman acu, dupa atata timp? Asta ar insemna un blog nou, mare bataie de cap:P. Si, recunosc, probabil ca nu m-as putea abtine sa nu scriu chestii la care lumea ar reactiona. Si, da Costin carpatin:P, ai dreptate, succesul ma sperie, dear. Prefer sa scriu un blog putin comentat, dar al meu, personal, pe care doar cineva care chiar tine musai sa ma cunoasca, are rabdare sa-l desluseasca. Sau pe care il citesc doar prietenii mei. Da, aia de ziceam mai ieri-alaltaieri ca nu ma suna:)). Unii dintre ei o fac totusi, asa ca nu ma mai plang.
E, voi, astia de cerurati post in romana, ya happy now?

PS: ca sa raman in ton cu postul, iaca o melodie care ma nostalgizeaza la maxim. Cred ca radacinile proletare ale educatiei mele isi spun cuvantul. Dar n-am decat audioooo!

passion+work - does this still exist?

2007-09-04T20:37:00.000+02:00

I couldn't help feeling, all day long, that today was someone's birthday... someone I know... I'm still thinking about it..
Do you think it's possible that "passion" and "work" stay together? In the world of today? I started wondering what passion is these days. And I questioned myself for the meaning of passion within me: am I passionate about something? Anything? Still processing that one, so far I've got nothing. I used to love horoscopes and Tarot and that kinda stuff.... I've lost even that.
Am I passionate about my work? I don't know. I am a little bit obsessed with it, I am dedicated, but I dunno if I am passionate. Is anyone passionate about their work these days? I mean.... really be into it, really love it? The kind that wakes up in the middle of the night because of one brilliant idea, or that forgets everything because his/her work is like a trip to another universe.. does this still exist?

picture

2007-08-31T20:58:00.000+02:00

Although I think I am supposed to be a little bit more technical than I am right now, due to the nature of my job, unfortunately it seems I am not as good as I thought. Because I lost like an hour trying to take a picture of myself (that is me on the left) and upload it here, so that I can put the URL to my profile. Initially I was upset because at a profile search here, my blog had no photo! After that I tried to find out how do I do it. And so... I lost a good hour:). I guess I had nothing better to do anyway.
This morning I left Mika closed in the kitchen. Poor thing, when I arrived she was "screaming" her lungs out, I guess it was terrible for her to spend almost 11 hours in one room, with no food or water.
And that happened only because of that damn "the apprentice" thing. I watch it and then I watch "Sex and the city" and then I go to bed tired and wake up dizzy and so I lock the cat in the kitchen. This TV is ruining my life!

LATER EDIT: it was easier than I thought! and I did it! Damn, I'm smaart:))).

living on my own

2007-08-30T21:15:00.000+02:00

I guess being alone makes me a little bit nostalgic. In fact, I hardly think about myself right now. I don't know what's goin' on with my soul these days. I believe it's not in a very good mood...
I am a little bit afraid of being alone. I have always been surrounded by people. I have always lived with somebody. I hate the empty house and I'm sure autumn will make it worse. But I think it was about time I face this in my life, to deal with it and get used to it. Because in the end, we get used to everything, good or bad. And so I must get used to having friends who never call, weird neighbors and an unhappy cat. In a month or two, I could even get used to the empty house.
But I'm not sure I could get used to the lack of words. I need words to stir my imagination, to be in a good mood, to shine, to blossom, to sleep well. Crazy as it sounds, I need somebody to tell me I look good in order for me to believe it. I need to be told I am loved to be well.

Saturday

2007-08-25T18:11:00.000+02:00

Around here today:). Did my nails professionally for the first time in my almost 29 years. It looks ok, but I ruined one nail trying to cut the bread. Nevertheless, I'm a lady:). I also had my hair done, I look like a dumb kid:), but this is alright, I guess my moral needed a change of look. And I do everything for my moral, I hate it when it's down.
This is my first weekend off alone. I do nothing. I have plenty to do, the house is a mess, the cat is bored and lonely, the pile of books to read is waiting, and the pile of movies to watch as well, but I can't seem to want anything. I read blogs, google people and smoke.
Somehow I feel English is limiting me. I wish I could write in Romanian, although I'm afraid it could be a disaster. This feeling lasts since high school when I wrote a piece on one of Oriana Fallaci's books, "If the Sun dies". Both my parents decided it was unpublishable. Nobody since then encouraged me to write, although I liked it, I couldn't live without it. C has a great talent, too bad he is not using it. I made me even more frustrated I couldn't write. And now..I guess it's too late, I'm too damn busy to concentrate on anything. Even on ME.
I'll go back to doing nothing now. Maybe I'll end up doing something.

SL

2007-08-18T22:48:00.000+02:00

As long as we've been all waited for it, it finally happened. Yes. It did. The star of our department finally appeared on TV saying stuff about Second Life. Labeled "IT Specialist". Well, he is, as a matter of fact, and his sayings were deep:)). This is why it is up there, listed in the top stories of our site, among accidents, hijacked planes and luxurious holidays of our fellow Romanians. Eh, that was the least I could do, SINCE I AM THE EDITOR AND THE CONTENT MANAGER OF THAT SITE!!! All in one.
No wonder I look crazy sometimes. Besides having no life at all.
Indeed, I feel I lost the meaning of everything these days. I try to cover it, to stay strong, but sometimes it shows. I'll get used to it, I suppose.
I'm going to bed now. I'm working tomorrow. (yes, tomorrow IS Sunday)

crazy days

2007-08-16T20:42:00.000+02:00

It's been like crazy around here these days. I left my office no later than 10 in the evening and I'll work during the weekend. I had one day off, today. Th worst part of it all is my feelings for what I do. I feel I don't have any..landmarks anymore, I don't know if what I'm doing is right or wrong and nobody is telling me that. I feel people are kinda discontented by what I do and I never receive a hint that could motivate my evolution. I hate it. I hate it because I feel I'm blind. I'll try to structure it as much as I can and develop a system of my own that could comply with work...but this would be damn difficult since I don't know anything...about anything anymore.

But today was nice because I met my friend Corina from Luxembourg, she'll get married there in September and I'm going! We established the last details before we go there and I'm looking forward to go on this trip. And yes, eat "mule":)).

vem vet

2007-08-12T17:17:00.000+02:00

J'aime le passe. C'est plus rassurant que le present et bien plus sur que l'avenir.

Salistea, formerly known as Cioara

2007-08-11T01:03:00.000+02:00

I couldn't believe my eyes, but there it is! I am from here! I mean, my father comes from this village and somebody having the same last name as I do discovered these historically interesting pieces.
No matter what, I am really proud that the village where I spent ALL of my summer holidays is in Wiki. Really proud!

YES!!!

2007-08-09T21:29:00.000+02:00

I've just found out, via Andressa, that Pink Martini are coming to Bucharest! Cannot believe it! Me Happy. And if Thievery Corporation would come in a duet with Gotan Project (I missed them because of Depeche Mode, remember?), I think I won't need anything for my birthday this year:)).

I wish

2007-08-09T20:24:00.000+02:00

all I ever wanted when I was a kid was to become a singer. Then, a journalist. Then my parents told me I'm no good for a journalist, so why don't I study foreign languages, at least I have a proper job. So I did.
But singing persists. Imagine this, all I want is to sing....in a karaoke bar:))). I mean, really, I picture myself sometimes singing a song I love at karaoke. It fascinates me more than anything else, how some people can sing so perfect, so complex... I guess I never did it because I was afraid of the attention granted to me when I would sing. I am afraid not to look ridiculous, afraid people could make fun of me. So maybe I'll do it in a far away country, drunk, careless of what anybody would say about me or my voice.
Or maybe this persisted because someone told me I have a good voice. Not for singing, for radio, but well...that was the best compliment my voice ever got from somebody not emotionally involved with me. Dunno if he meant it though:).
This is what I'd just loooooove to sing.

the first day of the rest of my life

2007-08-07T22:31:00.000+02:00

I couldn't have pictured this day at all. It was pouring outside, already an autumn atmosphere I hate, but I was ok. I couldn't focus that much, I wasn't really there, but I was ok. No tears.
He arrived safely home, I received an email in the morning. All day long, I read that email, almost memorized it, I read every word and missed him. I just miss him, that's all. And now it's not the worst part of it all, I guess in a month I'll really feel he's missing.
Now, I have to re-picture my days and I already have some plans, but they hardly include going out like we used to. Maybe I'll be wrong, but I fill my days with work. That's about it. But it was about time, isn't it?

?

2007-08-03T10:44:00.001+02:00

There are only three days left. How can I concentrate everything I feel in 3 days? How can I feel anything while packing and managing stuff? How can I imagine my life from now on?

back

2007-07-31T10:31:00.000+02:00

I'm back. Not really happy that I am back. I'd just begun to get used to having sand in my hair, to the hot sun of the noon, to the loisir mood of that place. I am on vacation after all, I shouldn't be here, in this dirty town.
I am here because I had to make a choice. I could have been selfish and stay, or caring and come. So I came. But ... me not really happy.

I'm leaving

2007-07-27T19:10:00.000+02:00

Tomorrow I'll be at the seaside. For very few days, indeed, but those will be MY days of rest. Do not look for me. Do not call me or ask about me. I'll be just fine, trust me, better than today or any of the days of this shitty week that's about to end.
I had a lot of pressure and trouble, since I wanted to make everything right and I failed. I tried to offer my best, yet people were unsatisfied. They hadn't even told me so, they told someone else, and this is how I know it.
I tried to offer the perfect birthday at the office and I feel I failed. Nobody said anything bad about it, but I just felt it wasn't what I had in mind.
Oh, well, hopefully tomorrow these will be things I couldn't care less. I want my rest and I deserve it.
I am sure that many of you have heard this song. If you, younger guys, haven't, well, it's no loss, it's just a song that marked an entire generation at the beginning of the '90s

one day

2007-07-26T13:20:00.000+02:00

You'd say (for those who undersand Romanian, of course) that this song is not appropriate at all. But this is my real mood. Cannot name it, put my finger on it, but in the middle of the summer, on my last day of work before a short and, hopefully, intense holiday, I shouldn't be melancholic or something. Well, I am.
I hope I will be ok after this time off work. Hope to get some rest and find my inner equilibrium.

in wiki we trust:P

2007-07-22T11:01:00.000+02:00

Wikipedia says I was born on the same day as the following personalities (among others): Ignatius of Loyola, Ava Gardner, Mary Higgins Clark, Tarja Halonen, Ricky Martin. What do a Jesuit, an actress, a poet, the president of a nordish country, a Latin singer and me have in common? I really believe we all suffer from not having a proper birthday. On my birthday people think about Christmas and Santa, not me. I believe these guys also had/have the same problem. Could anyone ask them if I am right? I don't have their phone-numbers....yet:)).

tic-tac

2007-07-21T12:57:00.000+02:00

I really like Mika. Not only that his name is the one of my cat, but I also like his music. And I play this song every time I face a bit of a crisis. Like today for instance when I started crying while watching photos of my cousin and her new-born baby. Now I know all these theories about the biological clock of women, how we really want kinds and when we feel we should we get frustrated if we don't... But I don't really think it is my case now. Or I didn't think it until today. And then I faced a new dillema: is my age starting to show it's thorns? Do I start feeling like 29?
I don't have an answer and I really have to go clean up the mess in this house..but this will bother me for some time now.

vinegar and salt

2007-07-20T10:47:00.000+02:00

you tell me why I love this song so much

RS

2007-07-19T20:31:00.000+02:00

yes, it's true, I've been there. I saw them. I really did. They're old, funny and really know how to entertain. I loved Mick saying things in Romanian, making fun of Lisa, I loved Keith's first song, I loved Ronnie's generosity with the public. I loved it. I couldn't regret I was there. But nothing compares to last year. It's possible my feelings were different, it's possible I was less affected by RS music. Still I liked it though.

For the rest, heat is killing me bit by bit. They say it's hotter here than in Sahara Desert and I believe it, +40 degrees outside is murder. The AC in our office is almost dead, keeps us only from fainting, but we're all heavy sweating there. And we have another 8 days to face it. Heat is my nightmare now.

As for the house, I decided to take it slow since my uncle said I can stay here for as long as I want. So I'll look for the best offer I can afford. That's about it. Hope it will be soon though.

and so it goes

2007-07-12T20:52:00.000+02:00

It hit me this morning while walking to work: I'll soon be 29 and settling down is not anywhere near my plans, short term or long term, not even in their vicinity. My mother and my old relatives ask me all the time "why don't you get married?". Well, for starters, nobody asked me. Never. It's not that I really want it, but it never happened. Last I've heard, I cannot get married alone. It takes two to tango.

Or maybe I'm just a little bit depressed.

too much sun, no energy

2007-07-10T19:54:00.000+02:00

As much as I would like a home, I cannot find the energy to look for one. But this is old news already:). I tried to move but I can't. It's too damn hot around here. I have too much to do at work sometimes, that I forgot I have issues. MY issues. Nevermind, nobody is kicking me out of this place anyway.
As you all know (I dunno why I said "all" since I believe there are very few people reading me these days, I know, I grew up, I'm just borring), I just love summer, but the heat prevents me from moving around this city. Too much dust, too many cars, the sideways are burning in the middle of the day. Plus, I hate banks. Really do. In fact I hate numbers. At school I got only low degrees in mathematics. Unfortunately, one way or the other, I mean new building or old building, I'll have to deal with banks at some point in my existence. Oh well, what can I do....not much.
We're all preparing for the Rolling Stones concert here in Bucharest. I'm not that enthousiastic as last year when I saw Depeche Mode live on stage, but well, it's something I cannot miss. And I'm sure my dad would have loved to see them.
I recently saw one of Oprah's shows where the main cast of Seinfeld was invited. Seinfeld himself, Julia, Jason, Michael, they were all there, and I enjoyed every minute of it. I remembered why I had such a passion for this show in the first place. And why I chose my master degree paper subject to be the language of Seinfeld:). But this never happened anyway. It was just a dream...
I was asked one evening what my dream is. I simply couldn't answer. At last I said I dreamed to have my own place. But this didn't come out from the beginning. I guess I believed people expected me to be more profound or original than this.

headache

2007-07-05T13:59:00.000+02:00

I'm tired. It's chronic fatigue already. I had no vacation last year and this year my vacation will be too short to have a proper rest. I started the "M needs a home" campaign but so far I haven't had any success. I'm kinda patient though, but outta time for looking properly. I realized that every time I have to do something for myself, no pressure attached, I have the tendency to postpone things, to take it too easy maybe, I am not motivated enough I guess. How can I fight myself?
Cruel headache right now. Not the best month for me, apparently.

how to...

2007-06-22T13:01:00.000+02:00

You know there are lots of books about "how to": how to quit smoking, how to write a wonderful book, how to have a great body shape, how to fuck your brains out.... I think I'll be needing a book about how-to-live-my-life-alone-for-one-year. I guess it's the first time it happens for such a long time. I'm glad for him, I'm just happy he gets to study there, but I can't stop wondering "what about me?". I cannot figure my life right now. My only hope, as I see it, is to jump into a whirlpool of issues such as my house, my job, my pets, my..self. We'll see...

....

2007-06-06T09:12:00.000+02:00

It's pretty difficult for me now to describe last week. I had such busy, emotional, physically challenging days that I can hardly put them into words. The strongest emotion is certainly my going back HOME. yes....you heard me....HOME. The appartment we used to live in was in front of the railway station. When I arrived and saw MY window, MY balcony....I couldn't help crying. I didn't care people were staring, I went to my aunt's in tears, wondering why am I here and not going home.
For the rest...I was surprised to notice how much I liked the town, how deep inside my mind are imprinted its alleys, its streets, the schools, my parents' work places... And especially how I felt that this was my home. I own a little house at the country side where I grew up, I might buy myself a little home in Bucharest, but I guess nothing will compare to that feeling of HOME I experienced on Friday.
My highschool colleagues are almost the same:). I loved seeing them, I loooooved going back to school.

I loved being back home. Except that I can't tell when I'll be going there again.

nothing...

2007-05-22T09:58:00.000+02:00

yesterday, while ironing my skirt, it struck me: my parents hardly loved one another. I can't remember seeing them kiss or hug or anything that would betray love. My dad would make fun of my mom and she would answer back to him and that was that. And now I think this might have affected me one bit... coz when it comes to family, I picture it based on a "life-contract" more than based on love. Although I couldn't imagine not loving my husband (if I had one).

And I really can't wait next week when I finally go home. I fear going to Deva because I haven't been there since April 2003. I cannot remember the house with no furniture, with boxes all over. To me this house is still there. I'm afraid I might be tempted to go.... home. But that "home" no longer exists.

I'll see my highschool mates though. We have our ten-years-since-finishing-highschool party. And in September I''d have been here for ten years already... dunno if it's good or bad.

2007-05-16T09:57:00.000+02:00

It's hot. It's only like the mid of May and we're all suffering from heat, as if it were July. But I'm glad, better than freeze anyway.
As last year I didn't have any vacation, this year I was planning a good rest by the sea. But it seems my plans won't work. First I have to see if I can finally buy myself a home and then, only after seeing this one come true, I might consider rest. However, this buying-a-home plan is energizing :).

2007-05-09T15:52:00.000+02:00

I've been away for a few days and, because of the sad reason of my travel, I didn't watch tv at all. When I woke up this morning to go to work I had the strange feeling that I forgot everything about my work. Of course, once I entered the office and turned on my PC, it all came back to me. It was like I was waking up from a short amnesia and start recognizing things.
Despite the sadness and the tragedy around me, I discovered a nice little town, very charming and very close to me. I liked it.

2007-04-29T00:00:00.000+02:00

I'll try to make it simple and clear: I really thought this blog died. But on Friday evening someone said I could revive it somehow. He said I could write in Romanian, so I didn't. He said I could write about work...which I won't, not right now. Because when I started this blog, the concept was "public diary" or smth. Right now, blogs aren't just that. I mean...nobody just writes about feelings. To have a good blog, one must be interactive. To be interactive, one must create/talk about subjects that interest people. My personal experiences (and also MY routine, MY boredom) were not interactive. I was asserting them and that's all.
Well...I can't say I'll change something. And I must confess, although probably somebody would react to this, that I stopped writing not only because I didn't feel like it, but because I was afraid of others' reactions. I didn't want to write about breaking up, finding someone new, other experiences..because I know someone would read and suffer. And I hate it when people suffer because of me. And I seem to make them suffer on a regular basis.
BUT...nevertheless I just said to myself "Fuck all that" and just write....stupid or not, don't read me if u don't like it...
AND I really believe that by breaking up with me, guys change, evolve and even acquire features they never had when in relationship with me.
SO... my own, personal cenzorship..I'll try to let it go a bit.

Today I am such a crybaby

2006-12-10T15:16:00.000+01:00

Emotional week. The peak was Saint Nicholas night when I had a dream. I was hugging my dad, he was so thin I could feel only his bones through the jeans jacket he was wearing. He told me "I'm sorry I cannot be with you now, at the begining of your road". I started to cry and so I woke up. All day I felt like crying. My brother got engaged on that day. I was thinking of how proud my dad woul have been of his son. In the evening I took my mother to a tribute-to-Abba concert. It was very funny for me, but mom was happy. Again felt like crying imagining myself at her age :(.
And today... because I think I'll spend the day all alone, I suddenly had the 2001 feeling. A song caused this sensation, but it didn't stop, it was like I "engaged" myself back into the past... had a pure feeling of a similar moment of 5 years ago. (I still cannot feel 2001 as being so far away in time...5 years mean a lot...but to me they feel like 2 at most). And so I got sad, it's a profound feeling of falling into my self, moments like this allow me a clear perspective of my own life...make me aware of feelings and moods and sensations I thought I had already forgotten. I can't explain it...it's like I'm taking a journey into me, into my mind and into my past..and live moments all over again. And when I wake up and realize I'll soon be 28 and we're not in 2001 anymore...that's when I get sad. I feel like I lost important moments of my life because I was blinded and irrational, I feel like I could have done things better or different, I regret I never said words I should have said.
Finally, I hope next week will be just different. I felt like writting, hoping I could take the weight off my chest, that's all.

2006-11-23T23:12:00.000+01:00

Hell, it's been a long time I've been here. I guess my taste for writting a blog or more like the lack of it relates to my job. I am "surrounded" by dozens of blogs (mostly work, that's true) and they kinda...turn me off.
And there's this other thing: it's like I've created a huge complex in my mind that everything I would consider writing about is boring and maybe not worth mentioning (which I think is true, since there are very few people interested in how I feel/think and they don't have to read the blog in order to find out latest news about me). So...why keep blogging? I mean... this isn't working anymore. Writing isn't good anymore... it's not taking out the devils inside my head, my psychic burdens are almost inexistent right now or so I make them be.... Therefore I might consider ending this blog...or maybe closing it for a certain period of time...until I feel the need to do it again. Or maybe I'm really dried out and waiting for something to shake me up, to turn my world upside down and to make me .. live inside my head again.

2006-10-26T22:16:00.000+02:00

Much better these days. No particular reason, I guess I'm about to find an inner rythm and stick to it. Biggest problem now is the house, I might have to wait until December or something to really be able to purchase something I could call "home". This place I'm living in right now does not comply at all with my definition of "home". In the meanwhile, I dream about that, I buy magazines and fancy around those imagines, like in a day-dream. Perhaps this could be soon a reality. Time is still a problem, but I discovered that it's all about time-management really. I just have to be "in the mood":). And mood is so unpredictable and beyond control that I cannot help being under the weather sometimes.
Weeks go by too fast, it's the end of October and I am not quite aware of it. I have, from time to time, a strike of reality, but it easily dissovles into my daily routine. And that is web web web.. No wonder I let my blog die. I understood however that this was in me all the time, this web thing, starting with spending lots of time on various astrology sites or women online magazines.. to wanting to learn web desing for the chemistry magazine I was working for. Of course, this does not make me an expert, I never pretended I was one, but it gave me a fresh look into this business.
But enough about work.. time to relax and to read some blogs. :)

void

2006-10-19T12:10:00.000+02:00

That's what I feel lately. Long talks with my boyfriend about our relationship. Void again. Corporate void this time. I think, just as I told him tonight, that my problems are not menial, are so serious that I don't even want to utter them, for this would mean they exist. It's enough that my own self warns me that I kinda dissolved my spirit, that my effervescence is now only empty bubbles, I don't want to make it official, to admit it. Coz I wouldn't know what to do next. Get a life would be the answer, yes, I know. But I still believe that there could be a balance between life at work and life outside work. Admitting the problem would only draw me back even more, making me unable to act, to react, to do what I am probably supposed to do: LIVE. Searching for that balance is even more troubling. I need to have people around me who, not on purpose, could take me out this vicious circle I've entered.
I need a home, this is what I am struggling for. I need friends to make me think of other things than work or problems. I cannot do it by myself. And this I knew from the very beggining, from the first day at work, and I promised to myself I won't become what I am about to become: work freak. I guess I have to be forced to have fun sometimes. Sad story and a sad perspective, I know. Any suggestions?

blogs

2006-08-31T07:34:00.000+02:00

It's very cold outside these days, but I kinda felt relieved that summer passed away, I didn't use it the way normal people do, I didn't go anywhere, I didn't have a proper vacation, I indeed feel frustrated about it, but hey, this isn't such a big deal after all, you know...
I've been reading some stuff about blogs, more about on the blog-phenomenon that's conquering Romania nowadays, and I must say my blog is not at all interactive or anything...I started well I guess, but I kinda lost interest on the way and it became just a webpage. It would have had more importance had I granted it some, but I rarely feel interested in much lately as I mentioned before..so I guess it lost the "human" touch. It became dull and grey, just like today and just like me these days. Still I find it interesting how blogs have a life of their own. I know somebody who has a common blog with some friends, it's more like a forum or a chat room, and they seem write about stuff, about things they are affected by, about facts, their oppinions..it's interactive all right and represents their common world. My world is about me alone, with my thoughts and my lack of interest, friends, vacation, carrier stability, anything. I started reading again though, which is good, I have to add this guy, Tom Sharpe, on my writers list. Although to some he's an old chap, to me he is brand new and I like that:).
uff, and that's about it for today. I have this obsessive thought about never having a driving licence in my life and I somehow must deal with it, but haven't found the solution yet. And it's getting really cold around here..brr

existing

2006-08-16T08:24:00.000+02:00

After a week or so at the new job, I'm just beeing....cautious. Maybe I became over-prudent, I lack trust in people and I prefer just watching them for a while. Just to be sure (as if anyone can ever be 100% sure!) they're people I can rely on. Except for that, everything is ok, I guess. The new house is just big and cold, could never call this place "home" and I keep wondering when will I have a place of my own. I've been longing for it for so long that now I became a little skeptical about it. I used to picture it into my mind as I tried to fall asleep, I made various scenarios of what my house would look like. Now it's gone.. this was an over-used dream.
As a matter of fact I discovered I don't need anything anymore. I used to like things, I used to want stuff, like clothes or books, but now it's all gone. I don't even care what I eat as long as I am not hungry. How do I go back to beeing me? I feel like I lost interest in everything, and I generally am impartial, neutral, polite but cold, sometimes pretending I care, sometimes faking interest. Is that the new way of living? Is that the life style of my generation? I cannot say anymore. I am not sure I care.
Nevertheless I must admit I am not that tired anymore. Maybe because I start working at 10 a.m. which is much better, since I am closer to work than I was, I save a half an hour of sleep in the morning.
I still believe though that when I'll wake up from this thing I entered into, I will be able to find myself again...and I hope I won't be disappointed. And in the end, the system just dragged me in like in a vacuum. Five years ago I would have fought it. Now I just don't care...

always on the move

2006-08-05T08:30:00.000+02:00

I'm moving again. I have a new job, next Monday will be the first day there, anothere TV station, a commercial one this time. I'm also moving to another house, an appartment this time, still no rent, lucky me. Things are shakin' up over here, and they're changing my world again. It's odd, but I am not enthousiastic, or afraid, or anything, maybe just a little bit worried. To tell ya the truth, I am sick of all that changing, I've had it, I need some peace and quiet, that's all. Hell, maybe I'm just too tired and just miss my summer hollidays an the sea. I haven't seen the sea yet, not this year. I wonder if I will...

my father's eyes

2006-07-25T07:32:00.000+02:00

I think I don't have a recent picture of me and my father, alone. The last one is from 10 years ago, I was on my way to university, he was...ok. I sometimes wonder what affected me the most: his existence, or his non-existence? I used to have this conflictual relationship with him, we hardly talked and our tastes didn't match one bit. But somewhere deep inside I felt like I knew him, I think I inherited from him the same taste for life and the same tendency to imprudence, maybe the same naivity. When he was gone... my whole world collapsed. He was not, not anymore, the man I had to obey, he was.... my father.
I sometimes remember the life before, the life with him. I guess he was a guarantee for what my world was. For Home. Three years later, I still cry when I remember him. He would have been 61 today. And I guess missing him wouldn't go away. Never.

some things are meant not to be mentioned

2006-07-14T08:13:00.000+02:00

I can't write about this...about the concert. The next day I felt like hit by a train. I couldn't realize I was there. And I suprised myself shouting my lungs out when they came on stage. I think I am still marked by this ... event or whatever it was. But I can't write about it. I can't describe it. I remember the feeling and now, when I listen to some of their songs on the radio, it all comes back to me. I would rather keep these feelings for myself, because writing about them, confessing them, exposing them to the public would only make them not... mine anymore. Nor mysterious or private. Some things are much better when they are just felt, not asserted.

I think I've changed a lot. Next week I'll be on vacation. Maybe the only vacation I'll ever have this year. I ... don't have that feeling. I am stressed, I am nervous, I am dizzy, I cannot focus. I came to hate the place I work. Not the work in itself, not the people, or not all of them.... just the place. I hope I will get outta there soon. Because that place is a brainwashing factory, that I'm sure.

And now, after a beer in the city with my friend, I got nostalgic, emotional, I remember myself few years ago, or even when I started this blog and it seems it's not the same person anymore. I got more acid, disappointed, bored, I lack patience and concentration, I got a little mean...but I hope somwhere deep down I'll still find, when in need, that piece of me which will never change, no matter what. oh, and yes, bitter, I almost forgot this, I sometimes get bitter. But only when alone or tired. Not now.

Strange love

2006-06-23T08:35:00.000+02:00

Strangelove
Strange highs and strange lows
Strangelove
That's how my love goes

I can't miss writing about this:). I am not, not anymore, a teenager, enthousiatic and totally devoted to some gods on a poster. Nevertheless, the Depeche Mode concert of tomorrow brings out from within me some leftovers from my teenage years. Maybe because I never had the chance to go to a biiiiig concert like that 10 years ago, or maybe because such events always bring a hint of euphoria, I don't exactly know what it is, but I am totally and completely focused on tomorrow. I imagine scenes, I picture gestures and I create expectations.. It is very likely I will be a bit disappointed, perhaps I will be disturbed by the crowd pulling me, people trying to get a better view, worries of keeping myself safe and sound..but still, the thought of me being able to see this band I like on stage....well, that's something. In fact, this week Gotan Project had a concert here as well, I missed that one, I can't afford going to both concerts, but hey, it's been quite a week from this point of view.
I picked up this quote because I just feel like it tonight.

My muses

2006-06-16T07:16:00.000+02:00

I sometimes find people who inspire me. I sometimes become inspiration to others, but these rare cases I do not consider, for I, my friends, aim to only evolve as a spirit. People who inspire me help me evolve. I do not know if this is a general truth about myself, but so far, this is what happened. People who helped me, in any way, get in the mood where I could just take a glance of the bigger picture, where I could see myself from above somehow, objectively, those were the ones who contributed to my evolution. And I do not mean material progress, but a mental and spiritual one. I truly feel that I am what I am just because I had the fortune of meeting such people. And I thank them for doing that, although they may not have a clue they've done it in such an important way to me.
Right now I think I like myself the way I am.... I guess there will be a limit to that too, but for now, for this moment, thanks to all of those who turned me into ME, I fucking love my life!

I'm feelin that I loose myself

2006-06-12T07:40:00.000+02:00

I wanted to write several times but either I quit because of lack of ideas, or my computer went so slowly that I didn't have the patience to wait for the page to load. And sometimes I feel like I have so many things I would like to write about, but they just vanish the minute I begin the post. And I end up with a completely common piece of writing that I grow to hate every time I try to add something to it, so I just...quit. I figure I must have the time and the mood to write and to feel like writing again. And this is no time for that.
My job takes almost all my time. What I have left I try to share between my boyfriend, my mother, my driving lessons and some other things I complicate my life with. But this Friday was special, because I had nothing planned, I could sleep late (Friday is my day off) and drink my coffee in peace and even go to the market place, which was weird, coz only me and some old ladies were around and I felt like I was in a holiday or something!
And now I've come to appreciate my one month vacation/summer and my 8 to 4 working hours. I don't miss the work though. Nor the people. I like these ones better. And the work as well. I just hate what's goin on there, I mean people trying to stop something that's going fantastically well, people trying to take somebody's else place...ugly stuff like that. I know you people gonna say "wake up girl, that's the real world!", but I don't believe these things just happen like that everywhere. I hate this lack of stability or purpose or motivation and I need something to stabilize all that.
I really feel that I don't remember who I am anymore or what I want with my life, I just work and sleep and get tired and tired and tired. And I suppose now I'm just complaining and, yes, I know, there are people with worse problems than mine, but..well, this is my blog.

mad

2006-04-22T01:53:00.000+02:00

Now I am really mad. I've grown to hate technology in every way. I hate computers because, if I work too long, my eyes hurt, I hate the Internet because you develop a virtual world where there is no touch with the reality, because it sucks you in a hole and loose every trace of your persona...I hate it because people have developed so many little programs that spy, copy, send by e-mail, take screen-shots of whatever you're doing on your computer....and why? Just because people wanna know, people are insecure, people need to believe that the other is not harming them.. I have to say there is nothing wrong in beeing hurt once in a while, otherwise we wouldn't appreciate the value of happiness. But, hey, not everybody is like me. Anyway, I really hate it and I probably would like to separate myself as much as possible of this kind of world. We are not here in "1984". We are supposedly free.

a girl still in her twenties

2006-03-24T05:59:00.000+01:00

Today I saw a girl that reminded me very much of myself at her age.. that is some 4 years ago, and I suddenly felt old. I really have no idea what is best: to do everything to keep youself "young" (I mean clothes, music you like, lifestyle, etc.) no matter the age, or just try to assume your age and act accordingly? Because both variants have flows. If I keep myself like in my twenties, even if I am 40, I would look ridiculous. If I assume my age, I'd have to be a little bit oldish I guess. So what's the middle way?
Beside that, I realised I have to emphasize more on me and this doesn't mean I should become selfish, I just have to...you know, take care of me. I haven't been doing anything for myself lately, except work, I really need to invent things that remind me of me. And now we go back to the real question: what am I like? I know things about myself, but I generally adapt so easily to the circumstances and to the environment that I forget about me. Or maybe I identify to the new "group" so much that my old values seem to perish little by little. It's 2 months since I read my last book, it's too long since I had time to get bored and to start thinking about crazy stuff and to get ideas, new ideas. I didn't have anything to blog about. My life goes around my work and very little now on my relationship. And things will get worse I think. Maybe I am a little pessimist today, but I really feel like I forgot to LIVE. Or maybe I always need somebody around to show me how to do that, to spice things up and never let the system get me. Coz now this is the way I've taken.

Time time time....is not on my side

2006-03-12T20:51:00.000+01:00

It's Sunday morning. I feel like I haven't slept enough or maybe that I slept too much, coz my head is spinning. Yesterday I had a terrible day, I ran from one place to the other, but still I managed to accomplish all my "tasks". My mother will be coming tonight, so I'll have to wait for her in that far-away dirty bus station... Tomorrow I'll be like a "zombie" at work again. And this is my life now. In between, I'll feed the pets, take Mooky-the-dog for a walk, and maybe, just maybe, get to see my boyfriend. :( I feel bad I have such a busy life, too many things to do, people always wanting stuff from me...not very nice indeed. Dunno exactly what to do about this...give up my English lessons could be an idea but I wouldn't want to give up all my kids. Other thoughts get ahead of this one about my spare time, and so I always miss thinking about it and the problem remains unsolved. Like now...I have to think about other things...things I need to buy for mom, what movie should we see, I have to translate a paper I've been postponing for some time...stuff. And my spare time is still an unsolved problem. One day I will solve it though.

My mother's birthday

2006-03-11T07:26:00.000+01:00

Today is my mother's birthday. It is also her 2 years older sister's birthday. But, in the same day that my mother is celebrating her 60th anniversary, some other famous people celebrate their birthadays as well. People like Sharon Stone, Neneh Cherry, Chuck Norris, ....and last, but not least, ladies and gentlemen, Osama Bin Laden! :))). I couldn't believe it when I heard it on the news today... I wouldn't have made a difference perhaps, but I am a horoscopes/astrology/coincidences freak, so I am entitled to be surprised because of this detail.
Thing is I am really happy for my mom, her life is for the better I guess, because she turned 60 and on that very day she celebrates her birthday in Venice, Italy. It was her dream to go to Venice at least once in her life, and so she did. In the meanwhile, I've been having a tough week, I had no time for nothing so I quit carrying for anything, even for myself. I have to give up the English lessons because it's eating too much of my time. Theoretically, I should be fine, but there's always something else, a lesson, a document to translate, something.... And so I come home exhausted and I go to work again...not funny at all. So now I am going TO SLEEP.

frozen spring

2006-03-03T21:08:00.000+01:00

It's the third day of spring and I feel already better, although it's freezing, it's snowing all over the country and it sounds like winter more than spring. This is the second night with Mooky, Mika and the turtles all tossed in a studio (not a very big one). The first time was absolutely terrible, I couldn't sleep, Mooky barked all night, Mika got scared and reacted badly, so did the dog, and so I was caught in the middle...of course you can imagine I didn't get any sleep. The next morning I swore to myself I would never repeat this kind of experiment. But...here I am repeating it. My mom left to Florence for a week, I couldn't stand the thought Mooky would stay all alone at night, so I figured that since tomorrow is Saturday, I can afford a sleepless night and to bring her here again. I read somewhere that if the animals feel you panic, they would get anxious as well, and the first time I was scared just like them. Now I am too sleepy to get scared. And they feel it, Mooky is playing, Mika is on the wardrobe, surveilling the whole thing...quite a scene if you think about it. I hope they will eventually ignore each other, i don't hope they will be friends (I am not that naive..you know). So I am like Ace Ventura in his apartment, only that I don't have as many pets as he did:). (big yaaaawwwwwnnn). I am going to sleep and I hope I can get some. goood night, world, wherever you are.

almost weekend

2006-02-18T06:28:00.000+01:00

I'm tired now. And so it happens that everytime I am tired it's dark outside, which only depresses me even more than the actual fatigue state does it already. This is one reason why I love summer so much. Because the night comes late and it's an optimistic kind of night, it's filled with people going out for a drink, it smells like holliday even though I'm working, and the evening in the city, when you can feel it live, pulsing with every step around you, that's a wonderful feeling to me.
Tonight I almost fell asleep in the bus, although the radio was on and the music was cheerful. People were looking at me, I could feel their pitty "oh, poor girl, she's so tired". Playing a nice scenario in my head didn't work either. I have some scenarios that make me daydream even by night: how I would like to decorate a house of my own, what would I do if I won the lottery, stuff like that. But tonight I had no inspiration whatsoever. My head was pretty empty in that area, so I tried to focus on people in my life. I also had a gloomy week, I had to attend a funeral, one of my friend's father died, it was so bad because it reminded me of my own father... So I've come to think of everybody I knew, people at work, friends, my colleagues from school, my friends from childhood...they are all in my life more or less, but what am I to them? Do they care that the winter and the dark make me feel down, are they happy right now? And when I die, will they remember me? Do I have to do things in order to be remembered? dunno really if it matters so much, in the end... We're all gonna die, but some of us ain't gonna die ugly.
I do many things right now but I don't have a clear, great purpose to achieve. I just live. Somewhere on Earth, there's me, living.
Well, I guess I don't have a specific purpose for this post. And I'm gonna watch a movie, play with Mika (she's ok, if you wondered) and sleep. And tomorrow...we'll always have tomorrow, won't we?

Snowy February

2006-02-12T10:53:00.000+01:00

It's snowing. I've come to appreciate the snow, because when it snows, it's not that cold. It's 0 degrees C at most, and this is veeery good as compared to -10 degrees C the other days. I feel tranquil and serene again this morning, maybe because I had my part of sleep (that I needed, oh, so much) and now my mind is alert again, I have ideas running through my head like crazy, but they are in disorder, I have to organize them, put them on paper or so.
The only bit of a problem this morning is that I've come to realize that I grew very much apart from my friends, we haven't met since last year or since the New Year's Night, we still, talk, I mean I talk to some of them, but...thing is that I don't feel the need of talking to them. These people at work, they are somehow fulfilling this role in my life although it's a surrogate and I know it, soon I'll wake up all alone, but I don't need to speak to those girls. Maybe because they don't feel that either..so...I guess, that's it then, right?
Uff, I have to get dressed, my mother and Mooky are waiting for me, hopefully I'll have some pictures of that dog pretty soon. Ciao!

P.S. - My brother is living now in the appartment of an old lady named Signora Tulia. Every Sunday, mother and I call him on the phone, but of course, every time signora Tulia is answering. You should hear my Italian accent when I say "Buongiorno, signora, sono la sorella di Pietro, potrei parlare con mio fratello per favore?". First time even I couldn't help myself from laughing, the accent was too obvious, maybe hilarious.

subway

2006-02-06T20:38:00.000+01:00

I've been traveling a lot by subway these days on my way to my English lessons, although I completely hate the subway. It's like we're rats, traveling underground, you can't see anything through the window, it's black, all you can see is the reflection of yourself and other bored people next to you. But it's an interesting way of looking at people; in a bus, I am too preoccupied with the exterior, buildings, people passing by, the atmosphere, but here I am forced to concentrate on my fellow passengers. I noticed that mostly old people read books, some of them have tabloids I sometimes take a peak of, or crosswords. Young people play games on their phones or just stare. Some of them ar not afraid to stare at you, making you feel pretty unconfortable. I only take glances of them and try to image what they're like, what's their life like and what's in their minds when staring at me or at their neighbour.
And might I just say that the difference between me and a 17 year old girl is, except the 10 years between us, not just the looks, but the fact that they are not wearings hats, their coats are short and they must be freezing now, but they just don't care, they have their hands red because of frost, and their ears too, whereas I have lots of clothes on and I am still afraid of being cold. See? that's the difference...they don't care if it's cold...

I need...I dream

2006-01-26T08:00:00.000+01:00

It's so cold I can hardly breathe...I know I said that before, but i really hate cold weather, especially when it's freezing outside. I need a car. I need a driver's licence first...but only because I need a car.
I realized I have many "projects" going on this year, not all of them very easy to accomplish. First I need a car. Second, I need to renovate my country house, it's old and a part of it is almost falling into pieces, it's a pitty to let such a house ruin. Especially since this is the only place in this world I can call "home". And after that I want to continue my studies in a different field this time, so I'll try to be a student again in Journalism...if it's all possible of course. And that's about it..for now. Of course, I have many other small and immediate plans, like changing the stupid glasses and stuff like that. And of course, getting better at work, I know it sounds a little bit silly, but I mean it, I take this very seriously and I have to get better because there are times when I feel I am missing something, maybe the know-who requested in the media world.
Besides, I know that three (!!!) of my friends are planning on getting married this year, I can't believe it, soon I'll be a respectable spinster :)), and I am really glad for them, sure, although I don't really see myself in a position quite like that yet. But maybe at the end of this year I'll be writing a blog about my plans of getting married, so, you know, everything is possible.
And that's all for today I guess, not much of a post this time, I am in the period when I get information from all possible sources, I started watching movies again, but I am not so curious about music anymore, I hardly listen to specific music, just let the radio on and that's that. So maybe after a while I'll be able to dazzle the world with more Miruna-wit:)) (and please notice the lack of modesty, as well).
again this feeling of deja-vu...it's like I'm making a pastiche of myself (dunno if pastiche is really a word in English, I'll fix it next time).
so long, people.

history...repeating

2006-01-09T21:36:00.000+01:00

I noticed I repeat myself from time to time. There are subjects in this blog that appear over and over and you people must be saying "oh, come on girl, you've said that once before, what a hell, you're not that old!" and you couldn't be more right about that. I agree. I read myself and try to be objective and even I said that to myself. But...the explanation is that every time I feel something, it has a different nuance, a different color, and so it's almost new to me and ready to be shared. And this is why you may encouter, if you ever take the time to read this, several subjects that appear, one way or another in my writings. They just empahsize a mood sometimes, or other times they just serve me pretextes for writing something.
But the important thing is that I write, right? Thought so too:)...
Now, for the latest news update: Mika is ok, she returned to her old habits of jumping and scratching the chairs and stuff and this is very good. My turtles get bigger every day, at least the old one, she's huuuuuuge (I mean for a cute pet). My mother's dog is fine, she's not really into taking long walks but she's coming around. My brother returned to Florence and moved to a warmer house. My mother returned to her old habits of torturing me and assigning me duties when I really don't feel like it. And I hope my performances at work are getting a liiiittle bt better because I really can't say I'm doing perfectly fine. Maybe in a month or so.. and that's about it.
Ah, I saw a documentary tonight, really impressive to me, but really it's difficult to talk about it on the blog, first because it's still fresh in my mind and it needs a time to settle somewhere in my head, and second because it regards some serious issues I am not ready to talk about. But the point of mentioning it here was that it took me into one of that long lasting pensive moods.
So, night night you people!

... New Year

2006-01-04T07:38:00.000+01:00

Well, well, well... what do you know, we're in 2006! Very nice of us, especially since we did nothing about it, it just happened and we just "enjoyed" it. Well, my New Year's Eve party was...ok, could have been better if my sixth sense didn't feel a negative vibe from my friend, and this bad feeling followed me all night, although I tried to let it go, not to think too much about it...ya know. But looking back, I kinda have the feeling I shouldn't have let it go, coz it's important.. Truth is I really had very few friends, female friends, they were all conjectural acquaintances and lost them one way or another. This is not the situation with all of them of course, but somehow I managed to decrese the intesity of the friendship until it eventually vanished, or only the polite side remained. I know it's me, since it happened just the same with almost everybody. Dunno how I do it exactly, it's different every time, but the result is the same. We become "acquaintances". We're not friends anymore. As a matter of fact, my lack of time gives me no chance of having friends. People are working late these days. After work they wanna go home and sleep. If not, they invest their little spare time into a pseudo-relationship that lasts just because people need to be together...somehow. So, where do friends actually show up? At birthdays, during various holidays like Christmas or New Year's Eve, during summer holidays, something like that, hmmm? And that's their purpose in your life? It's a bitter conclusion I am drawing here, or maybe it's just the mood I am in, but right now methinks that friendship is quite a little bit of a problem to me. I hate losing friends. I hate that I expect too much of them or that they disappoint me and don't even know that...

2005-12-30T09:01:00.000+01:00

Mika is feeling much better today, she's done with the antibiotic shots also, and I am surprised to see how well she behaves, I was scared she won't stay in one place, she'll jump and move all the time, not protecting her belly. But no, she's ok, she hardly notices any of the toys, which is good for now, but I hope she won't be like that all the time.
I decided to go after all to that party my friend is having. I will, most likely, get a little bored, but I really don't want to anticipate anything right now, maybe everything will go well and I won't have to complain:).
I am pretty sleepy and lazy these days, I think this is my idea of "rest".. I don't need to do anything very quickly and even if I did, I wouldn't do it, that's for sure. I am just like Mika. And inside I am peaceful right now, really serene and looking forward for the new year. It's no time for looking back an summing up right now, but all I wanna say is that this year was pretty good, I worked a lot, I was even exhausted at times, I didn't feel the months go by, but I can't say it was bad...oh no. Thus I feel no restraints in awaiting the next year. Hope it'll turn out better than 2005.

PS - I was reading my posts of December 2004. Turns out my writing was much better when unhappy or sad or depressed or unstable. But I would much rather be serene and peaceful and to write common blogs than unhappy and a good writer. At least right now this is the feeling. I might change my oppinion soon:).

3 days away

2005-12-28T21:21:00.000+01:00

Tough day today. Not only because of Mika's operation (poor thing, she is having a hard time recovering from that thing and only now, at 10 p.m. she is fully awake and crying because of the pain), it was difficult for her and for me as well, I tried to stay at home all day to keep an eye on her. And of course I couldn't just stay at home. So I did the laundry, defreeze the fridge (I'm sure in the USA you don't defreeze the fridge, am I right?), tried to keep the house less messy than the usual...stuff. But it did me good and I feel ok right now.
Big surprise, one of the friends called, but not with the purpose of saying "Happy birthday" but to ask me of my New Year's Night plans (I had to spend it with her and some other persons)...this was even worse, coz I would have been ok if she had said "look, I'm sorry, I forgot, but anyway, happy birthday". but she didn't and now I really dunno what to do, go to her party or not. Thing is I have no other options for that night and I really don't wanna spend it quietly. So maybe I'll go, not forgetting to let her know what I feel.
Or not...
Anyway, I'm going to look fot my cat now, so if you'll excuse me....night night!

Birthday reminder, Mika's operation

2005-12-27T21:54:00.000+01:00

Well, tomorrow is a big day for my cat, Mika, I'll take her to the doctor's to be sterilized (I hope this is the right word). I've been thinking about this a lot, I mean I am sorry for her that she has to go through something like this, but sincerely, it was the best solution for both of us, since I don't plan on letting her have kittens and since this "heat" period is pretty awful.. It seemd that she was in pain and she really didn't know what happened to her. I just hope she'll be ok.
As for the life in Romania, Greg, it's difficult for me to talk about it, because I am inside it... all I can say is that it's really different from life in the USA, from what I've heard. But after all everything is relative, I'm sure, so maybe you'll be able to tell the differences from my writing, which is damn difficult to do, since all you hear is me, me, me. My life, my problems, my thoughts.
I'm glad I have a few days off from work, just about enough to rest and put my desordered life in order, to catch up with my reading and with people I haven't had time to see before.
I was sad that two of my best friends forgot about my birthday...and three days passed since my birthday. I figure that your friend's birthday is not something to be forgotten, or if it does happen, there's always the next day, the day after that...Well, no sign of them yet, so I dunno how to react right now. Perhaps it'll all solve out sooner or later, it's just that I didn't expected it, not from them, that's all.

christmas blog

2005-12-25T19:03:00.000+01:00

Now this is completely unusual for me.. to write on Christmas day, but since tomorrow I'll be working, I am home now. And I must say that this day was pretty ok, peaceful, quiet, just like I wanted it, with my family:). Today I took the dog out for the first time, and she was shivering like hell during the first minutes and then she got used to it. I think she'll like it after all.
Well, I just wanted to wish everyone Merry Christmas:).

latest news

2005-12-22T20:49:00.000+01:00

NEWS...this is the key word of my life right now. Everything goes around this main subject. If you must now, I am about to become one of the most informed people of my acquaintances:) because this is what I do all day long: I hunt news. Of all kinds: breaking news, latest news, morning/evening news...everything. And I like it. Although at times I feel a bit overcome by the situation, especially during those days when many things happen and I must choose...in fact this is the most difficult thing so far, to be able to choose the most important news. At first everything was important. But I started little by little to "feel" their importance and I really hope I will be able soon to discern quickly...
This year my birthday and all Christmas fuss doesn't seem so gloomy anymore...it's been quite a year and many things have changed (I changed the appartment twice, I changed my job, I have a cat and a almost a dog), and I feel I am more confident right now. Still a bit dizzy, but more confindent in myself. And this is one hell of an accomplishment. I am glad my brother is coming home for the holidays. I like it when I see my mother smiling all the time (it's because of the dog, of course)... I hope every one will be ok at least on my birthday (which is on Saturday, can't believe it). An really...after all will settle down, I think I'll be able to write more often..

sincerely bad mood

2005-11-30T05:30:00.000+01:00

So it seems now that everyone found out about my intentions to leave my job for another. And I spent quite a few hours thinking of how to break the news to the ladies in my office. And this because I felt like betraying them, I felt like I was leaving them like an unfaithful protegee, ungrateful of the life I had for four years. Looking back, I should be grateful to them, they helped me so many times that I can't remember, although of course, living together was not always easy. But all in all, they spoiled me like their own child and I felt somehow protected. But this had nothing to do with my carrier or my hopes in this life. I was not born, nor educated to remain a philology garduate working for an obscure chemistry magazine. It's not that I want fame or glory, I don't want to be a star or anything, but I want to feel motivated, to feel that I work for something and to see the results. I want to be in the middle of events, I want to feel that I LIVE, not that my brain is washed up by a strange chemistry formula I don't even know how to pronounce.
So I spit it out, the piece of news, and they reacted ok, they were not happy, a little bit sad, but ok. My boss, instead, got mad. I didn't even had the chance to tell him personally about it, but someone else did it for me, and so he was angry I didn't tell him face to face. I would have, had he been available. Now this bothers me so much that I can't help thinking about it all the time. I don't want to leave with a bad feeling. I'm just a bad break-upper I guess.
Well, I'm going to do the laundry now..

2005-11-29T07:32:00.000+01:00

I have internet at home now. So what? I am coming home late with no desire of spending even more time in front of the computer than I already do. I was hoping I woudn't be so tired every day and allow myself to feel things, to have sensations and instincts, but they seem all dead. So, there's nothing left for me to do here..or maybe just to watch different net-jokes coming from my "busy" friends, all kinds of small films and power-point pictures. They look nice, sometimes they're funny, and that's it! Hours go by like minutes waiting for them to download... My cat will need a shrink for sure, she's too lonely, dunno if she can make friends with the turtles, I don't think so.
But the wind of change is blowing now, my friends, as I am about to succeed in changing the one thing I am complaining since the begining of this blog: my job. I spent this day there, at the new place, and it was...refreshing and alive and dynamic. And perhaps this comes just in time to save me from becoming old before my age and on the inside, and being cozy and spoiled is not good at all to a certain extent. So maybe, just maybe, I will be back with more Miruna-wit:) if I may say so.
I was quoted some paragraphs of my blog the other day and all I can say it's that I really couldn't believe I wrote those things. Or did I change so much that now I have to find something else? We'll see. I'm just looking forward for the future, wherever it may be:). Good night.

2005-11-24T08:29:00.000+01:00

It's pretty late and I am pretty tired, this week started in force, so to speak, I was happy about this internet connection at home, but of course, those guys showed up at 8 instead of 5 and I hate when people are late. And then lots of things to do and I am running like crazy, trying to share my time for everything, but it was almost like too much noise for nothing: I run too much for such small things. My reward is a weekend at the mountains, I really needed it, hope I will come back with a different state of mind. Other than that, things are close to shaping up around here, the only thing I hate is the weather, it's freezing and only today I had the time to get my coat to the dry-cleaner's, in the meantime I try not to stay too much outside. It's getting dark at 5 p.m. here and this makes me sleepy...eh, winter. Tomorrow I will be 26 and 11 months, I'm getting close to 27, Gosh, I don't feel like my age at all. 27 sounds responsible and mature and wanting a family, instead I feel like 23 or so, barely waking up to reality:)). Or something. I'm going to bed now, sleepy.... Babay.

at last

2005-11-22T07:53:00.000+01:00

It's 22:53 now as I'm writing, you can imagine that I'm pretty tired and sleepy but very glad that at last I HAVE INTERNET AT HOME. Of course, for most people, this is not much of an accomplishment, but to me it's important, I can browse now freely, without my boss or anyone else looking over my shoulder to see what I'm writing or where I browse. It's so important because I wanted it for a long time now and it's almost unreal that I can chat with friends or see jokes without being stressed or anything. And most important of it all, I can write:). So that's all for tonight, I'll be back tomorrow!

hi again

2005-11-02T00:24:00.000+01:00

It's been like...a month or so, Goooosh, I'm beginning to get lazy in writing. I don't really mean that, but it seems that whenever I have something interesting to say, I am on my way to work in morning, on my way home, in the evening, on my way to my lessons, in different parts of this crowded and sometimes spooky city. So the idea gets lost in the crowded place that is my head, just as crowded as this city or as this life of mine. I'll soon be 27 and I am not complaining anymore. I feel young and somehow strong, I feel I've overcome so many things in my life that I can easily deal with the rest of them. The only thing that's bothering me is that my friends are getting married and having kids, it seems this year was really rich in that: weddings and baptisms. It's weird, instead of going to a club, we're going to a wedding party. Not that it's not that funny, but...this means we're growing up and stuff. Except that, my family increased with one member, the puppy Mooky, a mixture of teckel and caniche, very much looking like her caniche father. She is 6 weeks old and my mother adores her:). But my cat doesn't:(.
I really have a Zoo at my place: 2 turtles, a cat and if I bring Mooky for the weekend...imagine that:)). And this in one room, in my brother's studio, lucky me he's in Florence now.
Well, my point today was that I got excited on the idea of having internet at home...and I thought I could write better on this blog if I have a quiet moment to think about things. Here, in the office, it's too noisy and I have too many things to deal with at once to be able to think of a new post. So I really hope that the next time I will write will be from home:).
Until then:), that was it for me today...bye everyone!

@work

2005-10-07T18:20:00.000+02:00

It's been a long time, I know, but I didn't have anything to say or anything interesting to say. These days I feel quite bad again, like everyhting is wrong and I have no clue where I'm going. I have dillemas concerning my life and my purpose in life. Or I have to just to live and see where it's taking me? People around me are getting married and are having kids, they look like they can manage with this situation, although they are my age. I really don't feel like it, I mean I would like to have kids at some point, but not now, I feel I still have to live a different kind of life, I am still too imature and too little to be able to raise kids of my own:(. And I am not self-confident at all, and I feel I must be strong in order to have a kid. Of course, I feel bad because my personal life is not very well right now, I don't know exactly why, but I have the sense that something is not well, or at least that's what I felt yesterday. Today....let's say I am ok, so far. But this can be a premonition for some big changes (again!!!) or it can be just a phase. We'll see.

party tonight - part II

2005-09-04T17:10:00.000+02:00

Well, this year's party was no so funny as the last one, I mean I think I got used to the people around me and I didn't find them so funny anymore. But I danced, which was quite a premiere this year, coz at these parties we never dance, we just watch and gossip, hihihi:)). I felt ok, like these people are my family, I am with them for 4 years and I know their stories, their lives, their moods, they know me and now I feel bad leaving them, as much as I would want that. Dunno what's gonna be, but this morning's mood is emotional and I don't feel like doing any changes in my life right now. I've had it with changes for a while, but I can feel that something's gonna happen, and it's not gonna be an easy one...

2005-08-31T19:47:00.000+02:00

I felt like writing today, which is good because I rarely feel like writing lately, don't ask me why. I had quite a vacation, one month, I travelled, I rested, it was ok. But now I'm back to work and I feel tired again, and I think it's the job and the routine, not the fact that I am really tired, this would be impossible after one-month holiday. And I feel like I'm little by little losing myself, and I don't want to spend my life earning money and spending them. this is not the purpose of my life at all. I had a dream... I used to have a dream about my future. I even had a plan. It didn't turn out as I wanted at all, but now I kinda lost it on the way and here I am, a young woman in her 20s, very close to her 30s (although I don't feel like my age at all) not knowing where to go. I feel like I have my life in my hands, I have no obstacle that should keep me from what I want to do, but still, I do nothing because I have no idea what I want. And this is the worst thing ever because this is not a quest for myself, I am not trying out different things to see if they suit me, I only think of them and suppose they just don't. Because I don't feel like it.
All I know is that I don't want to become an office girl, all dressed up, thinking only of clothes, make-up or other shallow subjects like that. I'm not saying I should be bothered only by fundamental things in life either...but still. Trouble is that here, a high salary involves this kind of office-like character. And little by little I will be losing myself and I everything I am right now. I like myself as I am now. But I had enough struggling to make it each month. However, this will not be the case for a while at least since I will be moving to my brother's studio with no rent whatsoever:) and that's the good news.
Other than that, I hope this writing mood is long-lasting:).

one-year dillema

2005-07-07T20:53:00.000+02:00

It's been one hell of a year. An year to remember I guess, because things have never been so fluctuating in my life before. But now I think I'm getting better, although the changes, and I mean basic changes in my life, haven't stopped. I still need a better-paid job, a different house or a house of my own..things like that. But all I want in this world is not to lose myself...not to become something I now hate, not to do things I consider despicable right now....I don't want to forget about me in this speedy and material modern life. And I say this because money have become a hell of an issue lately. Maybe because of their scarce presence in my life, or maybe because I am surrounded by people who consider always a material interest in everything. Or so it seems...
I have no conclusion now....my blog is my relief, my escape sometimes, my confident, my shrink, my diary, my box of hidden thoughts... I write for myself and my writting reflects my mood, my state of spirit and my feelings. Dunno how it looks from the outside, I only know the inside :)...ranging from a white-pinkish atmosphere, to a blue-black one sometimes.
Right now I've come to the conclusion that I'll never marry. It's no purpose in doing that, as a girl, it has no meaning to be queen for a night, and depressed afterwards, when your new husband will be desiring every woman in the world but you, and will feel confined in a marriage he realizes he didn't want, that came too soon with too much responsibility. And I'm saying that because I actually know it happens... Not a very nice or pink perspective. And of course, there are cases that may counterdict my opinion. If so, I'm glad. However, I am currently feeling that marriage has no point whatsoever.
Other than that, my cat is very funny, but she managed to almost break one of her front arms last night, I ran quickly to the doctor with her, she is now ok:). But she cried like a baby last night, I felt so sorry for her.
And that would be all, folks!!!

2005-07-05T21:41:00.000+02:00

It's been a long long time....I am so tired I can hardly think reasonably, I work like a robot in the heat, and I really don't feel it's summer. It's sad that I'm loosing that sense o f holiday I used to have when I was in school, even at the university. Now, the vacation month seems so short that I can barely make some plans for it.
I've been to a wedding two weeks ago, it was the perfect occasion for me to get dressed up and to wear make-up, and to be, you know, like my mother would like me to be, like a "lady". I t was not such a bad thing, but being a lady is very fatiguant, and too complicated for my simplist nature. I mean I know this about me, I like only one kind of sophisticated things, the simple-sophisticated things ( I know it's too much for you to understand, so you may skip this part :) ). Anyway, it was fun and I've got nice pictures to prove it.
And...I've got a cat. I had turtles, now I have a cat. It's a lovely little cat, very thin but very playful, I've got it only for several days and it's very funny, I am talking to her and she seems to understand me, we are even playing:), it's nice. So these are the latest news in the laimest style possible. I can't be insipred now....I am pretty dried out of everything, need to recharge for a while.

yaaaaaaaawwwwwwwnnnnnn

2005-06-28T07:42:00.000+02:00

there are exactly 21 days until my holiday. Which is a lot, but still not that much, I mean, 21 days, it's like a summer storm, they end quickly. I just hope I'll get a chance to rest this holiday, I am just extremely tired. And this could be an excuse for my lack of inspiration and the writing pause. There were moments when I would have wanted to write, to explain a feeling or a sensation, but they lasted so little time, and I got caught up in so many other things that finally when I wanted to write, I realized.....I had just lost it.
Now I don't have anything in mind. Just thinking about my life as it is at this moment...I cannot complain. I did worse, I have to admit. I think I can do better. But I just don't have the motivation or the strenght to get those wheels movin'. Maybe after the miracolous holiday I am wainting for so much, maybe after that I could consider doing things. And maybe writing fresh stuff.
(Refresh memory)
I haven't analyzed things for a very long time. I guess I unconsciously imposed it in my mind, because it seemed my over-analysis was harming my relationship. But I know why I did it, it was because I got somehow hurt and I had to "exorcise" it out of me by defragmenting it, deconstructing it, so that it won't have any value at all.
God, I hate to be stressed when I'm writing!!! Gotta go back to work:((, hate this stupid job.

summertime...

2005-06-17T20:24:00.000+02:00

summer, finally. I've been waiting for it for some time, and now that it's here, I'm a bit deshoriented, not sure how to react...Perhaps my summers were so far included in some kind of pattern. The only element of that pattern left for this summer is the moving from one house to another (it seems it's a leit motive of my life for the past 7 years or so). But for the rest...not sure how this summer is gonna be.
The only strong feeling I have right now is for the sea.... Cannot explain this profound attachment with the sea, and I don't mean those luxurious resorts with hotels and all kinds of facilities, but the kind of sea one can feel in a village by the sea, or sleeping on the beach...that's the sea I'm day-dreamin' of these days. And it's deeply connected with the desire for a perfect holiday, when you forget what time it is or what day it is, you're just enjoying moments of the day without limiting them to time and connecting them to reality. That's the perfect holiday to me....not being in a rush, not HAVING TO do something, not going anywhere unless you want to.
I had this kind of feeling only once in my "adult" life but the taste of it remained so present that my soul is yearning for it now.
Or maybe I am just extremely tired :).